Validation 101: how to bring out the best in yourself and others

Wherever you are,
at any moment,
try and find something beautiful.
~ Matt Haig

Last month, I viewed a 17-minute YouTube video about “validation.” If you can’t afford the time, I recommend watching at least the first four minutes of the professionally rendered film. Because though our conscious minds comprehend that the positive words we speak volumes—and that negative-speak belittles and strips away our humanity person by person—the opportunity to observe these truths play out in black and white serves as both eye-opening and inspiring. In fact, for the entirety of August, thus far, I’ve made it my mission to “flood” social media each morning with optimism and encouragement. The process has also served to boost my own serotonin levels (our bodies’ feel-good chemicals)—a well-known byproduct of positive thinking. Even within the midst of global and political strife, it takes very little to make a big impact in the lives of others. Take a moment. Look around. Find something beautiful.

Who can you validate today?

Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Kudos for making a change: how do you know when it’s right?

 

Have you ever noticed that oftentimes when you make up your mind—to forge ahead on the road less traveled or release what no longer serves you—affirmations of your decision begin to appear in myriad ways? It could be the topic of that day’s devotion or an inspirational email that shows up in your inbox, or even this blog post. Or, you hear a song on the radio that resonates with a recent change you’ve made, or a friend makes a random comment validating your resolve. Some people believe these apparent coincidences—or signs— signify that life’s puzzle pieces are moving into proper alignment. Maybe it’s as simple as “confirmation bias:” the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories. Whatever you call it, it can spring hope eternal when you sense you’re on the right track. And offer the impetus to keep on keeping on even when you trip along the way.

What kind of confirmation bias have you experienced lately?

Image source: https://www.inspiredtoreality.com.

Righting wrongs, mending hearts

Over the past several weeks, I’ve initiated a concerted effort to make amends with people I’ve hurt, owning up to my wrongs—taking ownership for unkind words and broken promises (see ‘Turn the page to begin anew’). Perhaps you are convinced someone close to you betrayed you and, without seeking any kind of validation, you succumbed to rash assumptions and drastic measures. Then, too late, you realized your erroneous thinking. It really doesn’t matter who was to blame because, in the end, it takes at least two. And love refuses to demand its own way. Consequently, all you can do is accept your personal role in the situation and ensure that your actions, moving forward, coincide with your words. In time the door to reconciliation might open but, until then, I suggest you offer up forgiveness and goodwill. When we accept responsibility, it doesn’t expunge our wrongs, yet it does free our hearts and minds from bitterness and regret.

Is there a wrong you need to right today?

Image courtesy of cbenjasuwan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Asking for help

[Image credit: digitalart]

Asking for help is not something that comes naturally to me. For example, at work I’ll routinely wait until I’m drowning in deadlines before raising my hand and begging for a lifeline. And after four weeks of suffering through labored breathing and laryngitis, I finally saw the doctor for help managing my allergies and asthma. When I am unable to work through something on my own, I feel like a failure, although I know that is the furthest thing from the truth. When we acknowledge our need, we validate our humanness and connectedness with the world outside ourselves. I think we’re inherently designed to help others carry their load and vice versa. It draws us closer and, I believe, ultimately strengthens us for the task at hand. Who doesn’t want to feel needed … valued … worthy? Even an encouraging word may make all the difference in the world to someone who doubts their ability to tackle a mountain.

Is there someone who could use your help today?

Fighting the odds … and winning

[Image credit: Stuart Miles]

I’ve been fighting genetics ever since I can remember.  From the outside, no one would ever know my cholesterol has been in the “high risk for heart disease” category for years.  And because I live with a heart defect, it’s something my cardiologist watches closely.  Although I have successfully avoided medication through diet and exercise, six months ago my numbers were disconcerting: 231 total and 116 LDL (bad cholesterol).  (My triglycerides and HDL have historically been good due to exercise.)  Jump ahead six months.  After practicing Bikram Yoga — as well as incorporating a few recent diet modifications — it appears I have finally broken through the bad genes to achieve a healthy 184 total and 84 LDL.  I know Bikram is a healer.  My improved IBS symptoms are proof.  But for me, seeing it in black and white serves as validation that each time I step in the hot room, I’m saving my life.  90 minutes at a time.

Is there a genetic barrier you’ve fought … and won?

Addressing the hard stuff

[Image credit: digitalart]

I’ve noticed that once I agonize over one decision and finally choose the path I’ll take, another choice inevitably needs to be made.  I think it’s because of the ripple effect — a series of consequences caused by a single action or event (Dictionary.com).  But the good news is that once we pinpoint the root(s) of our problems, we’re in a position to address and nip it or them in the bud (effectively cutting off  any ripples).  For me, it’s been helpful to ask the question: Why?  Using low self-worth as an example, I’ve sought to understand the reason(s) I continue to battle this character flaw despite the loving support of family and close friends.  Validation of my worth is not a harmful endeavor in itself, unless my trials with low self-esteem lead the way to poor decision-making.  Whatever the reason(s) we entertain a negative behavior, however, turning it around is key.

What’s your MO for addressing the hard stuff?