The other day I sat in a messy space of negativity. You could say I wallowed in it (not a pretty picture). The following morning, I began writing an email to a friend listing all the moody details. After about 20 minutes of spewing onto the “page,” I backspaced through the majority of the conversation. At the same time, a lightbulb popped on to reveal an ah-ha moment: If we could visualize ourselves backspacing (or deleting) over a negative script in our minds—hurtful comments received or spoken, limiting beliefs that continue to bombard our thoughts—how would that affect our moods, our days…the quality of our lives? Personally, I prefer to live without any reminders that I “screwed up again” and to focus on the clean page. To fill that space with positive affirmations, words of gratitude and encouragement (to myself and others). And to quickly “backspace” whenever I find myself trapped in another endless loop of toxic thinking.
In the Bucket List Journey, the author asks: “If you had to teach something, what would you teach?” I’ve considered this question often, first upon graduating from ASU as a non-traditional (aka middle-aged) student, followed by earning extra cash as a substitute teacher, while interning and job hunting. And, lately, as I’ve considered ways to expand my reach as a writer. One topic that I struggle with on a regular basis—imposter syndrome, or self-doubt and insecurity—informs my answer to the question. I would teach others how to break through a mindset of limiting beliefs. My limiting beliefs revolve around #allthings writing. Maybe you wonder if you’re cut out to homeschool your children, manage a team of employees or return to school in your 50s. If so, I encourage you to 1) acknowledge your thoughts, 2) put them into perspective and 3) reframe them by focusing on your accomplishments, reflecting on your growth and realizing that your. Dreams. Matter.
Assuming you agree 2020 proved to be a year like no other—at least in our lifetime—you might find yourself in one of two camps: during the past 12 months, you read more than ever (whether to escape reality or to preserve your mental health or all of the above); or, you remained unable to read anything other than your pervading news feeds (understandable). Regardless of which camp you reside, if one of your New Year’s goals includes reading [more], check out my Top 5 from 2020:
In less than 10 weeks, I wrote 60,092 words to complete the first draft of my novel (see “My future self…”). So here I sit with #allthefeels. When I first began this journey, I imagined what it would feel like to hold my finished manuscript. And, although it’s still in electronic form, I can’t say it’s what I expected. Since the day I typed “the end” (or in my case ###), my emotions vacillate from elated to underwhelm, with several limiting beliefs tossed in to create mental drama. But now that I’ve completed the first draft, it seems logical to undertake the second draft, possibly a third, followed by critique groups and/or beta readers, revisions and editing; then soliciting agents and editors and creating a platform to further engage with readers. At first, it appears daunting. Yet I’ve done the hard part: I wrote a book. Now I get to continue trusting the process and focus on one step at a time.
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
In a couple recent posts, I mention a new writing venture. As many readers know, I’m an aspiring published novelist. Although I’ve authored numerous online and print articles, I’ve always dreamed and talked about writing and publishing books. Since graduating with my B.A. in literature, writing and film from ASU in 2010, I’ve invested time and finances toward countless writing conferences, workshops, writing and critique groups, as well as books and courses focusing on all things craft-related. Yet, I’ve used every excuse—and, quite honestly, played the blame game—as to why I “still” haven’t written my book. But 2020 is different (on myriad levels!). During a self-improvement program I’m taking, participants were challenged to officially share our “future selves” with three people—so I figured why not hundreds more? Here’s the skinny: I hired a writing coach. I’m learning about limiting beliefs and taking a big leap. And I’ve written 45,000+ words toward a 60K manuscript and my future published novelist self.
Grain by grain, a loaf; stone by stone, a castle.
~ Yugoslavian proverb
My emotional barometer oftentimes resembles the ups and downs of a roller coaster. Maybe that’s why I associate life—and its proverbial thrill ride—to the popular amusement attraction. For example, between the peaks and valleys, I’m traveling high on the adrenaline that fuels my passion for the written word—whether I’m composing an interview for a commercial trade publication or crafting a two-sentence writing workshop assignment. Yet, on the opposite spectrum, my stomach drops as I’m awash with tremendous feelings of guilt and derision—berating myself for the time I’m wasting on the pursuit of “pipe dreams.” Thankfully, however, each of us possesses a middle ground—a place in which we can draw from our inner “chutzpah,” to keep on keeping on, rather than plunge into the depths of limiting beliefs and doubts. But it begins, first, by reminding ourselves why we chose our path.
How do you stay inspired for the long haul?
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Motivational speaker and author Will Bowen says, “People advise, ‘Fake it ’til you make it.’ In truth, you’re not faking. As soon as you act like the person you aspire to be, you are that person. Over time, this repeated behavior becomes the default version of you. This is how we change—every time.” If you’re sick of a negative life or situation: speak a positive word [aloud] to yourself: while driving, as you walk into work each day, when your alarm goes off in the morning. Begin with something simple: I am strong, I am healthy, I am happy. Then get specific: I am successful at X, Y and/or Z… I am a loving partner and/or friend, etc… And when you begin to doubt: do away with limiting beliefs. For example, if you’re ill, tell yourself: I am getting stronger every day. Or: Something good is going to happen to me today! Changing our focus, changes our outcome. Every time.
What is one of your limiting beliefs?
Image courtesy of Siri Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
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