Unpacking the ‘feels:’ shedding the old for the new

Photo by Sigmund on Unsplash.

A couple months ago, I announced my “retirement” (I use that term loosely!) and spent five weeks preparing for my replacement. During that time, I also entertained out-of-town family, my husband and I sold our home and…[read more]

Visualize it to become it

I teeter on the edge—close to abandoning my passion once again. But in the quiet of morning—that fuzzy space when daybreak balances in the silence—my husband’s body presses against mine, his arm draped over me. Sheets askew, strips of sunlight strain to penetrate the shutter seams. And his mouth brushes my hair as he speaks: I haven’t seen you write lately. It isn’t how these words string together to form meaning. It’s what he doesn’t say: I notice you; there’s something missing. As I often do with my hopes—my feelings—I tamp them down; the ashes turn cold from neglect. Yet even though I pretend I’m okay, that I’m happy, soon the need to seek solitude and inspiration along the mountain trails will become a tangible draw. But it’s now that I see a glimmer among the dust motes: the spark of resolve as it ignites. I visualize myself as a successful writer. A published novelist. I’m back.

What do you need to visualize?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

The secret of change, according to Socrates

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy
not on fighting the old, but on building
the new. ~ Socrates.

In my post, ‘Things turn out best for people like this,’ I talk about experiencing the soul-wrenching disappointment when our best laid plans end up going to hell in a hand basket instead. But the more I reflected on how the circumstances of my wake-up call played through, the more convinced I became that, when it appears the bottom fell out, what might be taking shape is the formation of a safety net. Maybe that one thing I had been prepping for, anticipating with every fiber of my being, would not have been in my best interests. Perhaps it would’ve placed me further from my hopes and dreams—the goals that comprise my daily attention. Instead of focusing my energy on fighting the old—the past—however, my eyes are now fixed on the present and building the new.

How do you respond to change?

Image courtesy of mrpuen at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

A fabulous life now, not Someday

It’s been a while since I’ve touched my blog, my muse relegated to the back seat, my nose, instead, buried between the pages of this book or that. My mental and physical well-being atop the list of priorities. Along with volunteering. Traveling. Holiday planning. Preparing a birthday bash to usher in a new season and, with that, envisioning the life I desire on the other side of fifty. Beyond fabulous, of course. Someday, I hope, writing will be my core vocation, although maybe not enough to relinquish the other stuff I fill my days with Today: like yoga and music ministry, time with family and friends. Plus the million and one tasks that keep the household running smoother than if I neglected to do my fair share; and work, because I enjoy a steady paycheck, the camaraderie of office life, a sense of purpose as part of a team. Perhaps my life is already fabulous. And Someday is already here.

Is Today the Someday you’ve always hoped for?

Biding our time

At first, I was going to title this post, “Doing time,” as it relates to life and its rote, mundane tasks. But it’s more than rising each day at a prescribed hour, eating breakfast, showering and dressing, doing time at work or school, coming home and eating dinner, washing up before bed and repeating it all the next morning. It’s about learning what we need to do to get where we want to go, practicing patience with others and ourselves, leaning on those in our support system and returning the favor, and waiting for conditions to be opportune for change and/or growth. And it’s not always going to be pretty. Sometimes it will rain on our parades, we won’t like the food in front of us and our friends refuse to come out and play. Or maybe we need solitary confinement to get our heads screwed on straight. It’s about attaining the most from Today while keeping our hopes and dreams alive.

How does biding your time look?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Aligning our beliefs, actions

 

[Image credit: digitalart]

If the things we believe are different than the things we do,
there can be no true happiness.
~ Dana Telford

Sometimes we must adjust one or more of our priorities, hopes, dreams, opinions, etc., in order to realign our values or goals. And sometimes that can be scary, painful and not without second guessing, remorse, self-doubt, etc. But if you find yourself in a near-constant state of confusion or conflict, then it’s wise to re-evaluate the things you’re doing to get where you think you want to go. Or perhaps what you believe about others, a situation or yourself is misinformed or untrue. Wherever you find yourself today, know it’s temporary. And be assured our lives are always in a state of flux. If not, we’ve ceased to grow, advance ourselves or contribute meaningfully to our small piece of society. When we’re able to align our beliefs and our actions, even for a day, all feels right—and happy—within our world.

What makes you truly happy?

The fine art of living

 

[Image credit: kibsri]

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
~ Henry Ellis

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up.  In letting go, we’re actively participating in an outcome we hope for.  In other words, letting go is faithfully accepting that whatever is meant to happen will happen.  Conversely, holding on when hope for change or growth is obscured by logistics only causes frustration because we’re doing nothing to further our hopes and dreams.  If we simply realize that letting go gives us permission to take what comes our way, we can either use — or discard —  it as a potential stepping stone toward our Someday.  We’re still holding on to a hope for something more or something better.  We’re merely letting go of the expectations — the sometimes crippling desire to control an outcome we truly have no control over.  It’s compromise.  It’s acceptance.  Once we do that, we truly begin to live.

Are you holding onto something it’s time to let go of?

Imagine it, achieve it

[Image credit: Stuart Miles]

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it;
if you can dream it, you can become it.
~ William Arthur Ward

If you were not born in the U.S., you can’t be president and, if you are a man, it is not likely you would become Queen of England.  So how can we personally claim this quote for ourselves?  I have to believe that someone who immigrates to the United States would not imagine running for American president.  Nor does it seem plausible anyone other than a royal princess or heiress dreams of reigning as an English Queen.  At times, however, as much as I imagine myself attaining all sorts of riches Someday — to the point of dreaming dreams that seem more like reality — these hopes oftentimes appear less attainable than even the most improbable ones.  But I won’t give up on Someday.  Because the only way I will ever achieve it or become it is to believe it.

What does this quote mean to you?

Regaining your balance

[Image credit: ponsuwan]

It can be a rude awakening when the rug is suddenly pulled out from under you.  It can shatter that vulnerable part of you, the side of you who lives transparently and trusts fully.  You may be left with shattered hopes and dreams, as well as feelings of stupidity, betrayal, confusion or worse.  Perhaps the hardest thing isn’t the brokenness, but that you’re forced to take a good hard look at yourself.  And you may conduct an honest assessment of your entire belief system and discover you don’t like what you see.  There may be skeletons lurking under the surface called selfishness or greed.  However, instead of dealing with them, you might be tempted to stuff them into the back of your closet and ignore them.  Of course, overlooking these “ickies” will not make them go away.  But once you address them, you can right yourself and begin to regain your balance.

How do you regain your balance when the rug is pulled out from under you?

A reality check of sorts

[Image credit: Salvatore Vuono]

My current health issues have doubled as a reality check for me, keeping me on my toes with the unknowns.  On the one hand, I think the thrill in life may come from not knowing what’s around the next corner, whatever it may be.  On the other hand, what if we were privy?  A close friend and I talk often about how we’d like to possess the inside scoop to our futures.  Would we approach life more cautiously, or feel safe enough to release our inhibitions?  Would we take the time to get to know someone new, or maybe drag our feet, miss an unexpected surprise or simply quit trying altogether?  Or would fear grab hold of us, choking our enthusiasm?  In some ways, it would be nice to know; in others, it’s probably a good thing we’re all in the same boat.  Finding out as we go can be fun — if we let it.  It’s the perfect way to allow (force) us to focus on the reality we live in, rather than getting lost in our hopes and dreams for Someday.  Do I really believe that?  I don’t have much choice.

Have you had a reality check lately?