Don’t let anything dull your sparkle: manage your mojo with a mantra

My mojo is missing, my mood is meh and I can’t put my finger on it. When I told that to one of my sisters recently, she said: “Turn it over to the Lord. Be your sparkly self again.” This requires daily, oftentimes minute-by-minute, discipline. Yet I’m the first to admit that I frequently allow circumstances beyond my control—the mess in the world, others’ actions and reactions—to dictate my disposition. To rub me the wrong way. To dull my sparkle. But what if we were to adopt a mantra when we’re tempted to pull up an easy chair and accept mediocrity versus excellence? Or pessimism rather than optimism? Perhaps now is the time to recommit to memory the prayer of sorts I devised when I first began the practice of Bikram yoga (see “Waiting for better days”). Because I am strong, I am healthy and I am happy. And I refuse to remain stuck in a rut. Stay tuned for mojo updates.

What’s your mojo mantra?

Image source: https://fityourself.club.

Newsflash: it’s not all about you

 

When the familiar ache in my heart warns me a self-inflicted pity party might be in progress soon, I remind myself of the truth in Gretta Brooker Palmer’s quote about how making someone else happy serves to sprinkle joy into our own lives. A backwash of blessings, if you will. Mary, the woman I write about in ‘The secret to a happy life,’ whose partner withholds communication and touch on a regular basis, has taught me much about removing self from the equation. To take what I’m missing in my life and turn loss into an opportunity to pick myself up for the umpteenth time, dust off the ashes and allow my faith to create beauty in the lives of those around me. The hardest part is keeping our gaze fixed ahead of us, rather than focusing inward on our lack. Just for today, let’s discard our metaphorical blinders and do something kind for someone else. I guarantee we’ll both feel better.

How can you change your focus?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

The secret to a happy life

Happiness is a by-product of an effort
to make someone else happy.
~ Gretta Brooker Palmer

Palmer’s quote is my new go-to lifestyle. If I feel mopey or like I might be spiraling into a rut, I ask myself who I can bless, if not today, then tomorrow or the next day. And, ideally, I’ll follow up the thought by carrying out a random act of kindness (see ‘kindness is free…’). The act of thinking and/or doing most often pulls me out of my self-inflicted pity party even before I have a chance to invite guests. A woman I know—I’ll call her Mary—is in a long-term relationship with a partner who routinely withholds communication—verbal, as well as touch. Quite often, he goes days without speaking, and he rebuffs any physical affection. Instead of wallowing in loneliness, however, Mary seeks others who need a hug, a smile, a gentle word, a helping hand. Because Mary knows Palmer’s secret too.

How do you turn your frown upside-down?

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To wait, or to anticipate?

Since my last post, “The answer might be to wait,” I have been doing just that: waiting. But not sitting idly as the world passes me by. I continue to keep my mind and body active and to carve out time to do what makes me happy. And I’ve learned a few things about myself in the process: 1) I am able to find an extra nine hours in a week if I really want to, because it’s a matter of ‘making’ the time. 2) I might be fickle in a few areas of my life, but I know what I want and where I want to go. Now I need to discover the right path to get there. However, maybe it’s those unexpected twists and turns that create the journey that is mine alone. And 3) I am stronger than I thought I was [read: conquered my first five-minute plank]. Perhaps it’s not waiting, after all, but anticipating better things to come.

Are you waiting, or anticipating?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Avoiding self-imposed ruts

 

According to Oxford Dictionaries, a rut is “a habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull and unproductive but is hard to change.” A friend of mine recently said the difference between a rut and a grave is its depth. (We also have a choice about the one in which we get stuck.) At any given time, we might find ourselves trapped in old thought patterns or routines and feel like guinea pigs going round in one of those wheels because sometimes it seems easier to go through the motions. However, each day is an opportunity to transform our reality—to jump off that spinning wheel and reinvent ourselves. A few tips that have worked for me are to: practice 1) letting go of things I can’t control; 2) making choices that advance my goals; 3) not worrying about what others think; 4) prioritizing and learning to say ‘no’ and 5) engaging in activities that make me happy.

How do you avoid or escape the self-imposed ruts?

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If you don’t know what you want, how do you choose?

For the past couple of months, I’ve been waffling on making a decision about my writing career—or pursuit thereof. In an attempt to help, a friend asked me to list the top five things, in random order, that make me the happiest. That’s easy: 1) spending time with my love, 2) reading, 3) writing, 4) yoga and 5) laughing with friends and family. Then he instructed me to pare the list to four: okay, still pretty easy. Then to three: no sweat. Then two: uh oh, now it’s getting tricky. And then one. Do I dare admit that writing didn’t make the final cut? Or that it almost (but not quite) tied with my second-to-last choice? Does that mean my vocation is not my true passion? No, I think it means I’m better at prioritizing than I give myself credit for. And that when push comes to shove, I’d rather spend time reading with my love. P.S. The decision was a no-brainer.

What’s your go-to decision-making tactic?

Image courtesy of mrpuen at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Complaints don’t change a thing

[image credit: jesadaphorn]

I’ve noticed a trend lately. Maybe it isn’t something new and I’m just more in tune because it’s something I’m working on changing within myself. It goes along with the “palms-open approach” I wrote about: releasing expectations to receive whatever is in store for me. Practicing this conscious thought process has been an exercise in freedom because it has allowed me to more fully live in each moment. What I’ve noticed, however, between friends and acquaintances and across social media, is that oftentimes the negative is elevated to a status it doesn’t deserve. I’m not saying we should brush misfortune or disappointment under the rug, but why give either one more credit than necessary? If our thoughts eventually dictate our destiny, then I want whatever I think on to be positive, life-affirming and the opposite of a Debbie Downer mentality. Complaints rarely change anything. But a happy attitude begets a happy attitude. Serve me up another cup of happy, please.

What if you spent one day without complaining?

Step 3 toward a happier me (and you)

[Image credit: Stuart Miles]

If you need to catch up with my ramblings and rhetoric to understand my recent fixation, read my posts Two weeks to a new, improved you and Step 2 toward making a positive change in your life in only 14 days. Once you’ve listed everyone and everything that zaps you of energy (step 2), it’s time to focus on the third step: develop your energy-renewal program; i.e., what you need to change in order to be happier and get you on the right path. If you’re not satisfied with your body image, for example, make a plan (keep it real!) to eat healthier (e.g., reduce refined sugar and flour, eat more greens, limit those chips and salsa), log in more Zzzzzs each night (which takes care of a myriad health concerns) and/or make an appointment to address those migraine headaches plaguing you on a semi-regular basis. If your career is stalled, start networking—or consider an entirely new employment focus.

What one thing will renew your energy today?

Two weeks to a new, improved you

[Image credit: Stuart Miles]

I’m obsessed with www.mindbodygreen.com and all its glowing tips on how to be happier, discover your life’s purpose and eat healthier, as well as my recent fixation: how to change your life in 14 days. Admittedly, I’m in a season of pure apathy. But I’m told it’s possible to see noticeable change in two weeks with five easy steps. In my next few posts, I’ll share the hows and offer examples of each. On Nov. 1, I’ll begin the process and journal my progress. I’ve completed the first step: 1) evaluate your life on a scale of 1-10; be specific about how you want to feel in two weeks (an 8 or higher is the suggested intention). Here’s a sampling from my notebook:

A) Vocational
1) Career/writing: 4 (lazy, unmotivated), 8 (plans in place, motivated)
B) Relational
1) Parental: 5 (uninvolved), 8 (involved, dates planned)
C) Health
1) Fitness: 5 (poor body image, unmotivated), 9 (re-energized, improved image)

What’s one thing you’d like to change in two weeks?

How to live the life of your dreams

[Image credit: Stuart Miles]

 

I tend to gravitate toward articles and advice on how to be happy, to get what I want—to be successful at life. Don’t misunderstand—I’ve experienced happiness. I’ve also obtained a few things I want out of life, as well as achieved modest success. But, there’s a part of me I describe as restless, a feeling of inner turmoil. The knowledge there is more. So I keep shopping around, trying on new ideas, mixing and matching until the perfect ensemble comes together and I’ll be living the life of my dreams Someday. Here are five simple and commonsense steps, paraphrased from mindbodygreen.com, to get started: 1) make it a goal to actively change whatever you don’t like about your life; 2) find a way to make your goal happen; 3) surround yourself with positive people; 4) practice gratitude today—look for things that are right in your life—while actively trying to change things and 5) don’t be lazy!

Are you living the life of your dreams?