Gain vs. gap: realigning our focus

I’m notorious for making things harder than they need to be. And often creating more work for myself in the process. Anyone else relate? <raising hand> Lately, however, I’m finding peace in that space between now and then. You know the space I’m talking about: the gap. Recently, I read an article written by a popular motivational guru who encourages readers to focus on the gain, rather than the gap. Loosely translated, I take this to mean we must look at what we’ve accomplished vs. what we have yet to realize. Consequently, rather than fight the process—of growth, of attracting abundance, of [fill in the blank]—I’m learning to go with the flow when necessary, and to identify when a means or a method no longer serves me before I wind up spinning my wheels in frustration. To quote my good friend KM: “assimilate; make connections.” And then trust yourself to know when to act.

What things do you usually make harder than they need to be?

Image courtesy of sattva at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Quit forcing the issue: a study in contrasts

 

During a solo hike on the Sonoran trails last month, I sought—as a matter of course—divine guidance pertaining to my vocation, my relationships and my spiritual, physical and emotional health. Oftentimes, it requires miles of silence, a veritable test in patience, for me to gain any type of clarity. That afternoon proved no different and, while I navigated the ins and outs of a new-to-me trail system, I sensed clear instruction: Quit forcing the issue. Although not quite the message I’d expected or hoped for, I understood the directive. For a planner like me, however, to sit back and go with the flow also illustrates a study in contrasts—not unlike the vibrant desert blooms fixed against a backdrop of rugged terrain. Yet, the moment I quit forcing the issue created space: to either freak out, or to growth within. To wallow in the challenges, or to celebrate the victories. Most important, it allowed the magic to unfurl.

What issue do you need to quit forcing?

When we stop trying to plan everything

Last week we celebrated my daughter’s birthday. A day beforehand, I asked her what flavor cupcakes and ice cream she preferred. Surprise me, she said. For a Type A planner, this kind of response causes my heart to race and my palms to sweat. OK, not really, but why make things more complicated than they need to be? In my writing life, I demand certain conditions be met before I write. And, unless I have an outline in place, forget it. Plus, my days must be planned from beginning to end. But, when I don’t allow wiggle room into the equation, I miss out on the opportunity to improvise; to practice patience. To be kind(er). Perhaps instead of crossing every T and dotting each I, we apply a simplified mindset to the moment: a go-with-the-flow approach. A skeleton idea, of sorts—to our day; our (personal) story. Then let the rest be a delicious surprise. P.S. The birthday sweets were a hit.

Do you practice a go-with-the-flow mindset?

Image courtesy of nattavut at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Setting an intention for 2016

When I recall setting my intention for 2015, it’s amazing to me that nearly 365 days have passed. At the beginning of the year, I conceived one main goal: finding balance. Although it’s been a tumultuous, oftentimes heart-wrenching roller coaster ride, amidst the jarring twists and turns and predictable steady climb (prior to my plunge into a new decade), I experienced a rebirth of sorts). A few other aha moments include:

1. It’s OK to not have the last word. It’s more important to know your heart is in the right place.
2. When you humble yourself and give preference to others, you don’t lose the good parts of you in the process. But you do lose your selfishness, arrogance and inflated ego. And you gain authentic happiness.
3. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. Every day. So is forgiveness.

My intention for the New Year is to simplify—by going with the flow more and obsessing less.

What intention(s) have you set for 2016?

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

An exercise in self-discovery

 

In my post, “Living in the ‘ah-ha’ moment,” I share my insights about enjoying the journey with no attachments to the past or future. Throughout the last two weeks, I’ve put this concept into practice—in my writing, my job and my relationships. Pertaining to my daily writing habit, I prefer to work on more than one project. This way, I can pick and choose what to work on depending on how I feel in that moment. I might opt to ramble in a blog, experiment with poetry, explore character development or draft a contest essay. For my job, I chart each day and manage the tasks as I go, adjusting as needed contingent on priorities. And in my relationships, I exercise a ‘go-with-the-flow’ mindset. This includes a spur-of-the-moment trip I booked to fly home and play catch up with family and friends. I’ve discovered that living in the ‘ah-ha’ moment is my favorite place to set up camp.

What have you discovered while living in the moment?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Manifesting positive results

Balance… simplicity… happiness. Only a fourth of the way into the new year, and I’m beginning to realize the manifestation of these elements as I actively pursue them. When I recently mentioned to a girlfriend that I wish I could clone myself to be in three places at once, she said: Just do one thing good. That advice, along with the vision board I crafted (see creating our own luck), is my new impetus. Rather than multitask a boatload of to dos, I’m honest with myself about what I will spend my time on. I might accomplish less, overall, yet I’m focusing my attention on those one or two things and “doing them good.” I also feel reduced pressure to say “yes,” and to go with the flow, instead. The days still fly by but, with a slower personal pace, I’m able to live more fully in each moment. Which makes space for a more simplified, balanced life. And a happier me.

How have you simplified your life?

Winging it is for the birds

[Image credit: tungphoto]

The verdict is in regarding my attempt to “wing it” while vacationing a week and a half ago.  This is where I purposefully chose not to carve any concrete plans in stone prior to my departure, opting to go with the flow and make plans as I went.  This left too many things to chance, however … too many “holes” to be filled.  And when one arrangement fell through, I scrambled to find another to take its place — oftentimes to no avail.  Needless to say, future trips will be planned in advance.  But I think my biggest problem, at times, tends to be an all-or-nothing mindset.  So rather than extreme planning (either overbooking or playing things by ear), I need to try a middle-of-the-road approach.  In other words, schedule ahead while taking into account time constraints, and follow up with a contingency plan.  The best laid plans may not always work out, but they’re better than making none at all.  Although my trip was still a success, it could have been better.

Do you prefer winging it on vacation or mapping out your days?