Staying power: 9 signs of a good friend

Surround yourself with those
who only lift you higher.
~ Oprah Winfrey

Over the past two decades, I’ve come to understand there are friendships for different seasons in our lives (see https://midlifemess.com/friends-for-a-season/). In the cited blog, the writer says that realizing a friendship season is over and letting go is one of the hardest things to do. Plus, a friendship season may not end at the same time for both people. I think it’s important to recognize that as we grow—and our lives change—so will our tribe. Some friendships may even come full circle after time and distance apart. In whatever season you’re planted, however, according to author Stormie O’Martian, a good friend, “tells you the truth in love, gives you sound advice, refines you, helps you grow in wisdom, stays close to you, loves you and stands by you, helps in times of trouble, is not rebellious and is not often angry.” And remember: it goes both ways.

What do your friendships reflect about you?

Image courtesy of adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Hang in there: finding solace amidst the fallout

It’s okay if you fall down and lose your spark.
Just make sure that when you get back up,
you rise as the whole damn fire. ~ Colette Werden

The physiological responses that accompany love and heartache can be similar. For example, a new relationship often triggers the pulse to race, or butterflies to replace hunger pangs. Heartache, too, can cause the heartbeat to fluctuate, or a loss of appetite. I find myself seized by the latter illustration—tears swift to dampen my lashes, my belly hollow. During a recent trip, I picked up a silver kitty pendant that hangs onto the delicate chain by its front legs—a twofold reminder: that life is fragile, and to ‘hang in there.’ On the heels of my post, ‘Letting go…,’ I wear this talisman for solace, of sorts, amidst the fallout of a severed friendship. My spark(le) may have dimmed, but soon I will fan the flames and ignite my passion ablaze.

Where do you find solace within the heartache?

Photo source: sanctuaryspring.com.

Learning from our mistakes

 

We met 22 years earlier and, despite two dozen-plus years between us, we clicked. A big sister of sorts, she trained me in so I could fill her office shoes while she vacationed. But when she returned to the workplace more than a week later, she learned she had cancer. My temp assignment stretched into long term. We developed a friendship over homemade meals I delivered and commonalities we discovered. I stayed on for a year once she came back and we worked well together. After changing jobs, we shared coffee dates and strolls through her neighborhood, mourned our respective parents’ deaths and exchanged cards and phone calls. Yet I could’ve done more. Just this week I learned from her sister that she lost her fight to cancer two months ago. My heart is heavy and I am once again reminded how little it takes to maintain a connection. And, when we don’t, we miss out on what truly matters in life.

What lesson have you recently learned?

Image courtesy of bplanet at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

In due season

[Image credit: nuttakit]

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning,
but anyone can start today and make a new ending.
~ Maria Robinson

Seasons come and seasons go.  In my own life, I’ve noticed this holds true in friendships and close relationships.  Sometimes we’re on the same page, traveling a similar journey along the same path.  We share a connection that defies logic.  And then at other times we couldn’t be more polar opposites.  No matter what season we’re in, however — a dormant winter, dark and lacking growth, or the spring of new potential — each one provides us with another chance to take an inventory of our lives and re-evaluate where we are and where we’re going (and if these are the people who will make the trek with us).  But if we take too long to think on it, we may miss that window of opportunity when we can either leap into the next season, or patiently prepare for what’s to come.

What keeps you from starting today?

Give it your all

[Image credit: Stuart Miles]

I ran into my neighbors a week ago and learned they’re moving back to Minnesota — their hometown and mine — and secured an apartment in the same city where my best friend and a lot of my family resides.  Although I get back twice a year for visits, the goodbyes prove harder each time.  Oh how I wish I could be in two places at one time.  Or three or more.  But my employer depends on me to do my job.  My family counts on me to manage the household.  I’ve started getting more involved in my community and I’m expanding my friendships … which means I have multiple commitments in my own back yard.  A recent getaway really opened my eyes, however.  Even though I can’t be in two places at one time, I can give 100 percent wherever I am.   It’s not always easy, but at least I can give it my all.

If you could be in two places at one time, where would that be?

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands

[Image credit: Sarunyu_foto]

Each day my big sister comes up with four things she’s thankful for.  Last week, she and I must have been on the same wavelength despite the 2,000 odd miles separating us, because I learned we shared equally funky moods — misery loves company, or perhaps it’s one of those “sister things.”  Either way, at the end of her email, she listed the four things she was thankful for that day.  I did the same in my reply to her and, not long afterward, discovered I didn’t really feel so funky.  After all, it’s hard to remain blue when you realize your cup is half full.  And considering I’m the only one who has control over the contents of my cup, I choose to fill it with gratefulness.  The four things I’m thankful for today are: 1) the ability to bridge the distance through technology, 2) a day job I enjoy that supports my writing, 3) the gift of sisters and friendship, and 4) fresh-squeezed lemon juice.

What are four things you’re thankful for today?