Absolutes: yes, no or maybe?

Growth comes not from hating what is wrong, but in loving what is right. I heard these words during yoga practice a while ago, another “ism” shared by our instructor. As a child raised in a Christian household, I soon learned that in life there are absolutes: yes and no. Right and wrong. Good and evil. Sickness and health. And the list goes on. Throughout the years, these (and other) absolutes remain, yet many have become muddied over time; shades of gray splashed onto a canvas of black and white. Rather than accept or reject, we choose to tolerate. Instead of casting blame or offering forgiveness, we overlook. An exception to the rule might take the place of “always” or “never.” Yet when it comes to growth, compromise won’t garner the results we seek: Because what we give out, we get back in the same form. However, I believe we can’t go wrong with love. But we’ll never be right about hate.

Do you struggle with any absolute(s)?

Time is running out: make it matter

There are three months
left in this decade.
In. This. Decade.

If you’re on social media, you might’ve seen the above words pop up in your feed. Now tack on the phrase: “Take that risk” or “I think you should go for it.” As humanity collectively stands on the cusp of a new season, I’m reminded of the patterns that accompany the inevitable changes, whether in nature or our own lives. A well-known Bible scripture begins: For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. Once trapped in a cycle of repetitive behavior and thinking that prevented me from moving from past to present, over the last year I’ve experienced both loss and gain—culminating in acceptance, forgiveness and blessed freedom from bondage. I’m ready, now, to take that risk. To go for it. To make it matter before time runs out.

Are you ready?

Image courtesy of krishna arts at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

An apology to my adult daughter

Dearest daughter, I’m sorry for every time I’ve failed you. For neglecting to portray the consummate woman—aka wife, mother, sister, daughter, aunt, friend—or implying that level of excellence is even attainable. I’m sorry if you’ve questioned my love for you, or your worth as a human being. I’m sorry you’ve carried many of your heaviest burdens without me, and that I haven’t hugged you enough—or told you enough—how remarkable you are and the lavish ways you’ve enriched my life since you squawked your arrival. How you’ve taught me what a life free from pretense looks like filtered through the lens of unconditional forgiveness, compassion, acceptance and grit. Because of you, I desire to be a better person— “real people.” And I hope you grasp the goodness of your heart, the beauty of your wings and that the world needs what you have to offer. Thank you for the opportunity to try again each time I fall short. You bless me more than I deserve.

Information overload: the good, the bad and the ugly

 

I’ve got a lot on my mind but, rather than write multiple posts, I condensed my innumerable thoughts into six key points so I can say my piece and move on. You’re welcome.

1. Consistency and mindfulness: Hey, they really work! My recent blood workup illustrates the positive results of both. See “Consistency is key…” and “7 tips to incorporate mindfulness…” for helpful reminders.
2. Authentic change requires forgiveness: Did you commit a wrongdoing that compels you to ask forgiveness? Or are you waiting for an apology? See “Forgiveness is a funny thing” and “Forgiveness leads to freedom.” Only through forgiveness can we experience authentic, life-altering change.
3. Health stuff: Nothing major, but a new pesky concern to monitor.
4. Enough with the negativity: Quit bellyaching (note to self) and see “What we speak is what we get.”
5. My heart hurts: For my friends and family who suffer with illness, disease, loss, heartache. For my own unrequited dreams.
6. Humanity: God help us.

What’s on your mind?

Photo courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Effecting change: love harder, forgive more

During my lifetime, I’ve met basically two kinds of people: The ones who are grateful simply because they are alive and breathing, equipped with the ability to contribute to society in some way; and the ones who greet you with, “It’s going to be a bad day” and proceed to tick off a barrage of superficial complaints. In my own experience, each set of people exhibits certain stereotypical qualities. The former kind seeks to put others’ needs first, walks his/her talk, leads by example and always looks for the good in humanity. The latter kind tends to obsess over messages of hate and judgment, holds grudges and finds fault with (seemingly) every little thing. Oh, how my heart aches for storm-ravaged Texas, the condition of our world, for the division that separates. My deepest desire is to collectively become one kind of people who learn to dismiss the small stuff, love harder, forgive more and unite to make a radical difference.

What can you do to effect change?

Photo courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

(Re)writing your story: happily-ever-now

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
~ Mo Willems

Everything we might’ve been taught says running away isn’t the solution. That we should look adversity in the face and show it we’re stronger. But what about when quitting means leaving a situation where we’ve tried over and over yet nothing changes? In her post, “You’re Allowed to Leave,” Rania Naim invites us to let toxic friends go, to surround ourselves with love—people who encourage and nurture us—and to pick the kind of energy we need in our lives. “You’re allowed to forgive yourself for your biggest and smallest mistakes and you’re allowed to be kind to yourself, you’re allowed to look in the mirror and actually like the person you see.” Leaving might not mean physically. Letting go could simply mean releasing ourselves from the expectations of others and those expectations we’ve adopted as our own. Don’t wait for Someday to be happy. Be happy now.

What does your happily-ever-now look like?

Image courtesy of dan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Righting wrongs, mending hearts

Over the past several weeks, I’ve initiated a concerted effort to make amends with people I’ve hurt, owning up to my wrongs—taking ownership for unkind words and broken promises (see ‘Turn the page to begin anew’). Perhaps you are convinced someone close to you betrayed you and, without seeking any kind of validation, you succumbed to rash assumptions and drastic measures. Then, too late, you realized your erroneous thinking. It really doesn’t matter who was to blame because, in the end, it takes at least two. And love refuses to demand its own way. Consequently, all you can do is accept your personal role in the situation and ensure that your actions, moving forward, coincide with your words. In time the door to reconciliation might open but, until then, I suggest you offer up forgiveness and goodwill. When we accept responsibility, it doesn’t expunge our wrongs, yet it does free our hearts and minds from bitterness and regret.

Is there a wrong you need to right today?

Image courtesy of cbenjasuwan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

All things are possible

Miracles occur daily. From the sun rising to setting to opening our eyes each morning, we witness marvels on a day-to-day basis. Even the seed of hope we plant in our hearts—to bring about transformation in our lives and the lives of others—is a miracle waiting to happen. My post, Be the change, focuses on being what we want in order to manifest more of what we desire; i.e., if we covet more love, we must be more loving, etc. During the past four weeks, as I’ve bid adieu to my forties and jumped headlong into the fifties, I’ve engaged in a personal makeover of sorts. It entails reflection, prayer and specific assignments that challenge me daily. In the process, I’ve discovered forgiveness, healing and growth, as well as an understanding that, as we change, it’s possible to effect change around us. But this requires living with intention and being true to ourselves. Always.

What possibilities do you hope come to pass in the New Year?

Image courtesy of Greenleaf Designs at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Setting an intention for 2016

When I recall setting my intention for 2015, it’s amazing to me that nearly 365 days have passed. At the beginning of the year, I conceived one main goal: finding balance. Although it’s been a tumultuous, oftentimes heart-wrenching roller coaster ride, amidst the jarring twists and turns and predictable steady climb (prior to my plunge into a new decade), I experienced a rebirth of sorts). A few other aha moments include:

1. It’s OK to not have the last word. It’s more important to know your heart is in the right place.
2. When you humble yourself and give preference to others, you don’t lose the good parts of you in the process. But you do lose your selfishness, arrogance and inflated ego. And you gain authentic happiness.
3. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. Every day. So is forgiveness.

My intention for the New Year is to simplify—by going with the flow more and obsessing less.

What intention(s) have you set for 2016?

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

It’s just the beginning

At some point you need to take your life into your own hands. And make your own decisions. Start living the life you want now. Texted to me from a friend after listening to the broken record of my life again, I read these words nestled between a bit of well-deserved derision, and then returned to my safety net (see “Habits are choices…”). As expected, I woke up puffy and sad, no closer to any resolution. Except at some point I need to take my life into my own hands. And make my own decisions. And start living the life I want now. Not tomorrow. Not Someday. Today. This means committing to a few tough choices, making mistakes, disappointing people, feeling discomfort instead of stuffing it. And forgiving myself for waiting so long. Because my heart is heavy, burdened, by conforming to a life that no longer fits—the caterpillar who believes her world is over. Yet it’s only beginning.

Is this the life you want to live?

Image courtesy of mrpuen at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.