It’s just the beginning

At some point you need to take your life into your own hands. And make your own decisions. Start living the life you want now. Texted to me from a friend after listening to the broken record of my life again, I read these words nestled between a bit of well-deserved derision, and then returned to my safety net (see “Habits are choices…”). As expected, I woke up puffy and sad, no closer to any resolution. Except at some point I need to take my life into my own hands. And make my own decisions. And start living the life I want now. Not tomorrow. Not Someday. Today. This means committing to a few tough choices, making mistakes, disappointing people, feeling discomfort instead of stuffing it. And forgiving myself for waiting so long. Because my heart is heavy, burdened, by conforming to a life that no longer fits—the caterpillar who believes her world is over. Yet it’s only beginning.

Is this the life you want to live?

Image courtesy of mrpuen at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Enduring the heat of refinement

[Image credit: digitalart]

Sometimes we hurt the ones we love, especially ourselves. A desire may yield a “no” or “not now,” but only because timing isn’t right. Growing pains can be just that: painful. And not everyone will understand. But rest assured that there’s a purpose in the discomfort. All change includes some kind of unease. We are stretched and pulled and remolded—refined—into the individuals we were created to be. During Bikram Yoga practice, students are told that glass must be heated up in order to be blown into its ultimate shape. The same holds true for our persons—physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Whether in the hot room, or in real life, we must endure the “heat” in order to allow ourselves to be perfected. I’m struggling with that part. I’d much rather skip over the ache and find myself in the land of plenty: my Someday. Unfortunately, it seldom works that way. I just have to believe it will get easier.

How do you handle the heat?

Take the pain out of change

[Image credit digitalart]

When you resist change, you experience emotional pain and physical pain.
When you welcome change, you relax and open to new possibilities.
Resistance is an experience of fear and doubt,
and openness is an experience of love and trust. ~ Gary Zukav

Last week, a close friend pointed out my dislike of change.  Along this same vein, another accused me of being fearful.  I wouldn’t say it’s fear, per se, just that my fondness for routine tends to be rather overpowering.  I’ve rambled about change in the past — how it’s easy to get stuck in a rut, to live the status quo.  Shortly after the conversation about my aversion to change, I ran across the above quote.  Talk about the error of my ways practically biting me in the butt.  Not only have I been dealing with emotional pain, but it’s manifested itself in physical discomfort.  Because the truth is: I’ve been resisting change … not sure I “have the guts.”  But I want to be the person who welcomes change.  I want to relax and be open to new possibilities.  I don’t want fear or doubt to keep me in chains.  And when I come right down to it, change isn’t the painful part (for me, anyway).  It’s resisting, rather than welcoming, what is truly an inevitable in life.  From this day forward, I choose love and trust.

Is change something you typically resist, or welcome?