Advent of a new year: choosing your ‘word’

Throughout a year loaded with more change than ever, my word for 2020—growth—continues to stretch and mold me. Yet, when I reflect on the past 12 months, I’m encouraged by the countless ways in which I’ve given my word a good workout. Perhaps it’s my age—reaching the halfway point in Club 50 membership can do that to a girl—or maybe it’s the date on the calendar that sparks possibility and expectation as we await the advent of shiny new beginnings. In either case, excitement stirs in my belly as I meditate on my word for 2021: a theme, of sorts, or call to action that captures the spirit of what I’m drawn to most, in this moment—a life of surrender. For me, this looks like creating a plan, but releasing attachment to future outcomes. And, instead, approaching each day with playful curiosity, while practicing resilience in the face of whatever comes.

What word or theme will you focus on in the new year?

It’s your birthday! Sharing the gift of ourselves.

To know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
~ Bessie Anderson Stanley

As we mature, birthdays can be a funny thing. Some people dread them; others don’t afford them a second thought. Still others, like me, welcome them with a childlike excitement. Recently, I renewed my annual membership in Club 50, complete with “signature” tiara and full-day (OK, three-day) celebration. Nothing fancy—except my princess attire—I embraced every moment. Because here’s the thing: birthdays are non-negotiable until they run out. And, if nothing else, they offer an opportunity to reflect on the past 12 months of our journey, as well as provide a blank slate on which to write our stories for the next 365 (or 366) days—much like a brand-new calendar year. My plan? To be a better steward of my life going forward. After all, there’s no better way to give to others than to share the gift of ourselves.

What’s your take on birthdays?

Brave enough: finding strength to admit our brokenness

 

From the start, my purpose for writing “A nasty word called addiction…” centered on a message of hope and redemption, as well as a way to mark a milestone in my own journey of healing. It’s no secret that many of us suffer in silence from a laundry list of afflictions. Yet, the older I get, the more I feel a kinship with those who hide behind the fake smiles, the false bravado. Because I, too, share the DNA of brokenness. Yet, as I navigate—aka stumble, skip or sidle (depending on the day)—this season of Club 50, I often entertain second thoughts about broaching various “taboo” topics in conversation or my writing. However, if we’re unwilling to allow ourselves the discomfort of vulnerability, then we miss an opportunity to engage in deeper connection with humanity, and ourselves. Transparency, I believe, serves as a catalyst to healing and a collective oneness. And affords us strength when we’re brave enough to admit our brokenness.

Are you brave enough?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Resigning ourselves to embrace each season

Live each season as it passes;
breathe the air, drink the drink,
taste the fruit, and resign yourself
to the influences of each.
~ Henry David Thoreau

Over the past few years, I’ve learned a little something about “Club 50.” It comes with a tiny downside called menopause. While I’ve been navigating this new season of empty nesting, adventure seeking and pre-retirement planning (the countdown is on!), the sneaky little “M” visitor swooped in under the radar and stole my life as I knew it—leaving behind a lack of ambition, fatigue, mood swings, hot flashes, excess weight, acne breakouts and an outcropping of coarse and curly sparkles. And that’s just the beginning! Thankfully, there’s hope. Or so I’ve been told. Because I still have a lot of living to do, embracing each moment even on the days when I must dig deep and fake it until I make it. Or the days I simply laugh my way through because it beats the alternative.

What season must you embrace?

Image courtesy of Simon Howden at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Love without condition: begin with yourself

Today I asked my body what she needed,
Which is a big deal
Considering my journey of
Not really asking that much.

I thought she might need more water.
Or protein.
Or greens.
Or yoga.
Or supplements.
Or movement.

But as I stood in the shower
Reflecting on her stretch marks,
Her roundness where I would like flatness,
Her softness where I would like firmness,
All those conditioned wishes
That form a bundle of
Never-Quite-Right-Ness,
She whispered very gently:

Could you just love me like this?
~ Hollie Holden

I read this poem while scrolling through Facebook and tears welled quickly. For more than a half century, I’ve wrestled with the “bundle of never-quite-right-ness.” When I first joined ‘Club 50,’ I learned how to be comfortable in my own skin, as long as I practiced mindfulness. But what if I could love myself without condition? After all, if I love others this way, then I owe myself the same consideration. And grace.

What do you ask of yourself?

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

A new lease on the New Year

For the past 28 days, I’ve written three pages of stream-of-consciousness long hand dubbed my “morning pages.” It’s all part of a 12-week (self-guided) workshop I’m taking called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. After I dropped out of NaNoWriMo last month (see “Are you doing what you’re supposed to do…”), a friend posted a link to Cameron’s website on my Facebook page and I’ve been hooked ever since. Although I didn’t end up with a novel at the end of November, that’s okay. Because I’ve been learning lifelong tools—like how to better manage my time—that will benefit me in all facets of my life. Most importantly, I’ve realized that a good life has less to do with circumstances, and everything to do with where I focus my attention. In fact, it’s a wonderful life, indeed. One that grants me “veteran” status in Club 50 this week. And a new lease on the New Year.

What is one area you plan to focus on in 2018?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Try it on for size: encountering contentment

For years I’ve struggled with a fast-track mentality: I need to get this done now, go here then, achieve that by the time I’m X years old and the list goes on. I write about what feels like a race against the clock in “Doing life in the fast lane” and how while the first 50 years took their own sweet time, now the necessity to apply imaginary brakes in order to slow time… grips me with a palpable intensity. “There’s just not enough time,” becomes a familiar refrain. Yet I sense a shift, an infinitesimal settling, deep down, where my soul works out my purpose day in and day out—the feeling that maybe it’s okay if I sink back into my days, my hours, each moment. Go with it rather than fight against it, the ebb of time and its cyclical flow. A contentedness washes over me, as if I’m trying on this new season and it finally fits.

Are you a “fast-tracker” or go-with-the-flow type?

Photo courtesy of adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Transformative change: finding comfort in your own skin

On the topic of changing one’s mind (see “It’s okay to begin again…”), there’s a word for that which also encompasses changing one’s heart, self or way of life. According to Merriam-Webster, metanoia is a “transformative change of heart especially: a spiritual conversion.” I like to think it’s validation of where I find myself these days—in part due to the mindfulness journey I embarked on more than two months ago. As a daily exercise between conscious thought and a willing spirit, I’m drawn to life’s simpler things and able to find joy within both the hills and the valleys. Not only has my heart softened toward those closest to me and to the plight of the human condition, but I feel a richer compassion for myself. Although unsure of my next step, I’m okay with that because I’m moving forward. And, for the first time—maybe ever—I’m comfortable in my own skin. Perhaps Club 50 is “the new metanoia.” 

What recent transformative change have you experienced?

 

Embrace the struggle: every good story contains conflict

 

We must let go of the life we have planned,
so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
~ Joseph Campbell

Nearly 18 months ago, I embarked on a rite of passage: the admittance into “Club 50“—a new season I embraced with enthusiasm, positivity and sparkles. Oh, the places I’ll go, to coin a favorite Dr. Seuss book title. I began to plan this next half century, my hopes and dreams—my bucket list—with gusto and determination. Yet, here I am, a year and a half later, my bucket filled with these same goals, along with a few plot twists along the way: loss, disappointment, unrequited dreams. But, if we release our plans—or, at the very least, loosen the reins—perhaps, in turn, we invite opportunities to build character and deepen relationships through our struggles. In the process, we might even create space to dream a new dream. And to share that dream with others.

What plan(s) do you need to release?

When others rain on your parade: dance in the storm

 

When we change our thought patterns, we change our lives. Spend enough time with Debbie Downer, or Negative Nick, and you will begin to notice more of the cracks and blemishes rather than the silver linings. What can go wrong will go wrong. It’s hard to remain sparkly when others in your circle focus on the dark clouds or even try to rain on your parade. However, I believe this is when we’re supposed to learn how to dance in the storm. Admittedly, over the past several weeks, I’ve allowed others to dampen my spirit and dim my sparkle. But, now that I’m jotting my blessings down daily, it’s easier to recognize other steps I need to take toward self-improvement. One area I’ve recommitted myself to is a healthier lifestyle to better manage my heart health and overall well-being. There are just too many blessings waiting for me to do anything but dance—and sparkle my way—through this one life.

How do you weather the daily storms?

Image courtesy of radnatt at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.