Absolutes: yes, no or maybe?

Growth comes not from hating what is wrong, but in loving what is right. I heard these words during yoga practice a while ago, another “ism” shared by our instructor. As a child raised in a Christian household, I soon learned that in life there are absolutes: yes and no. Right and wrong. Good and evil. Sickness and health. And the list goes on. Throughout the years, these (and other) absolutes remain, yet many have become muddied over time; shades of gray splashed onto a canvas of black and white. Rather than accept or reject, we choose to tolerate. Instead of casting blame or offering forgiveness, we overlook. An exception to the rule might take the place of “always” or “never.” Yet when it comes to growth, compromise won’t garner the results we seek: Because what we give out, we get back in the same form. However, I believe we can’t go wrong with love. But we’ll never be right about hate.

Do you struggle with any absolute(s)?

The #1 way to change your life

Following a recent set of immunotherapy injections I receive weekly, I experienced a minor adverse reaction. This involved lightheadedness and elevated blood pressure, which resulted in extra TLC from clinic staff and revised treatment plan. Afterward, I second-guessed my reaction and feared the emergency medical attention bordered on overkill. I’m sure we’ve all done it: second-guessed words spoken (which can’t be retracted), choices made that are irreversible. A post on social media reads: You’re always one decision away from a totally different life. Not that it matters if we choose vanilla over chocolate ice cream, but whether we respond in love rather than hate, fellowship versus isolation. Or we decide to ‘put up or shut up’ and accept the consequences. It’s easy to blame extenuating circumstances because it removes our own culpability, however, I think it’s time to quit dwelling on the what if’s and determine our own destiny. We still might second-guess ourselves, but we could also change our lives.

What life-changing decision will you make today?

Righting wrongs, mending hearts

Over the past several weeks, I’ve initiated a concerted effort to make amends with people I’ve hurt, owning up to my wrongs—taking ownership for unkind words and broken promises (see ‘Turn the page to begin anew’). Perhaps you are convinced someone close to you betrayed you and, without seeking any kind of validation, you succumbed to rash assumptions and drastic measures. Then, too late, you realized your erroneous thinking. It really doesn’t matter who was to blame because, in the end, it takes at least two. And love refuses to demand its own way. Consequently, all you can do is accept your personal role in the situation and ensure that your actions, moving forward, coincide with your words. In time the door to reconciliation might open but, until then, I suggest you offer up forgiveness and goodwill. When we accept responsibility, it doesn’t expunge our wrongs, yet it does free our hearts and minds from bitterness and regret.

Is there a wrong you need to right today?

Image courtesy of cbenjasuwan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Confessions of a fraud

Much of the time, lately, I feel like a fraud. Although I appear one way on the outside, I’m not feeling it on the inside. Admittedly, I’m doing a poor job of exhaling the old and inhaling the new. But I’m beginning to realize this means making one or more changes in my life. According to familyshare.com, I must stop:

1. Comparing myself to others
2. Waiting for the right moment
3. Spending time with people who hurt me
4. Judging others
5. Running away from my problems
6. Putting my own needs on the back burner
7. Trying to be someone I’m not
8. Being scared to make mistakes
9. Trying to buy happiness
10. Missing out
11. Being a pushover
12. Being too busy
13. Blaming other people for my problems
14. Relying on others to make me happy
15. Doubting myself
16. Eating out excessively
17. Being complacent with my life

Ready or not, here comes the real me.

What behaviors do you struggle with?

[Image credit: Stuart Miles, FreeDigitalPhotos.net]

How low can you go?

[Graphic image: Stuart Miles]

Prior to my trip last month, I conjured up “high road” expectations to include more time with family and friends.  Unfortunately, this was a route I had little control over.  I could make myself available, but if others were tied up with their own thing, then a detour was necessary.  However, without my typical back-up plans in place, I found myself disappointed and on my own more often than I would have preferred, sometimes casting blame and finger-pointing with no just cause.  In the past, I’ve blogged about maintaining expectations more on the low road to avoid discontent, although still always hoping for more.  And while finding a happy medium between the two roads is not always easy, this time I’d like to think I learned my lesson.  When I have little control over the outcome, I’ll attempt to adjust my expectations accordingly.  At least that’s the plan.

How do you maneuver the two roads in order to find a happy medium?