When you feel like a failure: don’t look back

You know when the perfect opportunity to offer words of wisdom and insightful advice to your child—adult or otherwise—takes on the appearance of a train wreck versus the motherly win you strive for? Even with a quarter century of parenting experience under my belt, I still bomb (and not the fizzled-out kind), the recent fail an up-close-and-personal affront at my ability to think before I speak—to mindfully build up rather than fight fire with fire. Tears ensued. Hugs suspended. Hours later, my mom ego bruised, I waved a white flag in the form of a text: Do-over? My treat. My faith life on display, it had revealed a mind and heart polluted by the demons I refer to in “Fighting the demons…:” old habits repeated, past choices tendered. But I have a choice now: I can allow the mistakes of yesterday to define today, or I can choose not to look back. Because that’s not the direction I’m headed.

How do you respond to failure?

Photo source: http://www.passionpluspurpose.com.

Suck it up, sister: when our words do little to help

Well-meaning intentions, words meant to encourage and build up, may be reduced to mere platitudes or a stale Sunday-morning sermon to a heart unwilling (or unready) to hear. We might open-mouth-insert-foot or, instead, offer the perfect verbal hug. Regardless, if we approach each person, each situation, from a place of love, then we’ve done the thing. We cannot control the rest, but we can be kind. A new favorite quote of mine: “Sometimes not saying anything is the best answer. You see, silence cannot be misquoted.” I opt for silence when words fail me in the face of grief or hardship. Or when I have nothing nice to say. I admit, however, that oftentimes my zeal gets away from me and I overstep my bounds. But when the shoe is on the other foot—when it’s not what I want or think I need to hear—I hope I remember that a simple ‘thanks for your encouragement’ is always the right response.

When do you opt for silence?

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Take it or leave it: my advice, that is

An acquaintance recently shared how they had doled out relationship advice to a friend of theirs. I’m not proud to say I reacted with an eye roll and audible scoff, which I followed with an incredulous, You? This person became defensive in response as they crossed their arms and stared me down: They appreciated my input, thank you very much. Immediately I mentally smacked myself and acknowledged I’m probably the last person to pass out suggestions on any topic because I’m the last person to heed my own advice. It’s easier said than done, comes to mind, as well as, Do as I say, not as I do. Why is it that we oftentimes think we’re experts on another person’s situation but, when it comes to our own, we feel powerless to change things? I always come back to fear—of failure, regrets. What if we take our own advice occasionally? Maybe start with something small and go from there.

What advice would you like to test out?

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Admit it: you can’t do it all

 

Contrary to the reflection you see in the mirror each day, you are not a super hero. At least not the kind who wears a cape and tights underneath your ‘regular’ clothes. Even when our plans are noble and involve lending a hand or going above and beyond, something else often suffers in the long run. It could be precious time with loved ones, an extra 30 minutes of Zzzzzs, a healthier snack alternative or the ultra-fine line between sanity and madness. My unsolicited advice? Whatever you question: Does it make you bitter or better? Do you feel angst because you missed out on BFF time, are you falling asleep at work, does your body lack proper fuel to propel you throughout the day or do you feel stressed rather than blessed? Recently I saw myself in the latter description and made a necessary change that, although not easy, ultimately replaced agitation with calm. And that’s better for everyone.

Is it time for you to make a change?

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A commitment to start

[Image credit: Idea go]

With a little more than a month remaining until 2014, I’ve been reflecting on the past year. Professionally speaking, I had one goal: to write a book. The most concise writing advice I’ve ever read is: start small, join a writing class and/or writer’s group and try to write every day. So I am, I did and I do. But life is a roller coaster and, for the writer, writing is an extension of that life. Which means the best laid plans are oftentimes crammed with detours. For example, mid-year my family ran into a snag. My daughter and I became estranged and didn’t speak for a month. We were stuck, like the proverbial writer’s block. However, applying that same (writing) advice to our situation, I started out small. I relied on friends and family for support. And now she and I try to communicate daily. Although we cannot avoid life’s roadblocks, we can make a commitment to start wherever we are.

What are you committed to start?

Stop the insanity

[Image credit: renjith krishnan]

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
 and expecting different results.
~ Albert Einstein

Ever been in that spot Einstein describes? Or perhaps known someone who complains about life, but continues on the same self-destructive or go-nowhere path? Over the years, I’ve shared some rather strong opinions in love—as well as frustration—with a few close acquaintances to no avail. However, I can’t help but wonder if my words even matter. But as soon as I question the validity or necessity of baring my heart, I know I would not be able to live with myself if I kept silent. What kind of friend, mother, daughter, sister or partner would I be? But I’m also learning it’s best to keep quiet if my words are fueled in anger or won’t build up or edify. And that perhaps I need to take my own advice from time to time. Before the insanity becomes too much.

Do you need someone to tell you to stop the insanity?