All the things we carry: how to lighten our load

The Things They Carried, a collection of short stories written by Tim O’Brien (1990), describes the physical and emotional things American soldiers carried while serving on the ground in Vietnam. Years ago, I studied the compilation while enrolled in an undergraduate creative writing course. Today, I think about all the things we carry throughout our lives. The intangibles that are out of sight, yet weigh us down in mind: the heavy burdens of emotional baggage, the ugly scars from our pasts. Yet I wonder if there’s a way to purge—to abandon and/or forget—the things that impede in order to make room for the things we choose to carry instead: an attitude of gratitude, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. And always forgiveness. All the things that help lighten our load along the way. Or perhaps the most important thing is to help carry each other’s afflictions in order to share the load.

What things do you carry that should be left behind?

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Jokers to the left of me, clowns to the right of me: reality’s call

Since I attended a writers’ retreat last month—see “The power of networking…”—a mirror image of me moves throughout each day disconnected from reality. The crux of the matter is that my mind and heart still reside in the space I created 1,527 miles away. Yet my body continues to travel on autopilot through the motions of everyday life. Like the old song lyrics go: I’m stuck in the middle… Because if I evaluate my circumstances from the outside in, I observe a 50+ woman striving to serve as a productive member of society, love her family and friends, care for her health and make a difference in her small corner of the world. But the reality is that—even so—from the inside out, I’m stuck on pause as I contemplate my next move and attempt to answer reality’s call: Is this as good as it gets? It’s in this crossroads, I’m certain, where it’ll all begin to make sense.

Are you stuck in the crossroads?

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Leave it to chance: when the choice is no longer ours to make

 

Since I began blogging in 2010, of all the topics I’ve covered in my posts, the vast majority revolve around a common theme: choice. Obviously, there are circumstances beyond our control—our best friend moves away, our spouse severs ties, we lose our job or we become ill. But, we still have a choice (see “It starts with a choice”): how we react to XYZ. If someone insists they don’t have a choice, then what they really mean is they lack determination, resolve, backbone. Free will. Bottom line: Even when we choose not to make a choice, it’s still a choice. When I went back to school as a non-traditional student to pursue my bachelor’s degree, I chose to embark on a new career path. Nearly a decade later, I feel, at times, that my age is a stumbling block to future growth, change. Yet the biggest obstacle is that one day the choice will no longer be mine to make.

What choice do you leave to chance?

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When all you see is the mess: there’s still hope

Recently I pulled up a link to a blog post I wrote for a digital publication several months ago. I read through the piece with eyes that had grown objective over time and thought, ‘Wow, this is good. What was I so worried about before?’ Later that day, the post popped up in my mind and I recalled it in its rough form: the countless drafts, rewrites, edits from my freelance editor (aka Big Sister). In other words, the work in progress was a mess. Isn’t that what our lives can look like at times? From the exterior, we might appear like we have it all together—and maybe we do now and again—but I guarantee a mess has littered our paths at one point or another. Thankfully, the people we are today are still a work in progress. And there’s hope for us to listen more, speak less and sprinkle love and kindness into our little worlds.

Where do you see your biggest work in progress?

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It’s never too late to dream a new dream, to start something new

I’m a firm believer in C.S. Lewis’ adage that it’s never too late to dream a new dream, to start something new. When I began Always The Write Time, it was toward the culmination of my undergraduate studies as a non-traditional student. Once I hit the half-century mark last December, the words ‘always the write time’ rang truer than ever. As 2016 draws to a close, I’m thrilled about my plan for 2017: to start something new because I dreamed a new (and bigger) dream. This includes 1) attending more writing workshops, 2) joining one or more writing associations and 3) completing my MFA application which, if (and when) I’m accepted into the program, will mark the commencement of my graduate studies in creative writing. And just when doubt might begin to creep in, the timeliest issue of Poets & Writers lands in my mailbox—reminding me, yet again, there’s hope on this side of 50.

What is your dream, but you think it’s too late to start?

5 Things Hiking, Life Have in Common

I never cease to learn or experience something new during my hikes in the mountains, and this past weekend was no exception.

1. If you want the trails to yourself, you must make tracks: the early bird still gets the worm.
2. Not every hiker is on a mission to burn calories or achieve a cardio workout: be patient with those in the slow lane (you might end up there).
3. When you focus less on the ‘mountain,’ you appreciate your bite-size accomplishments: take it one step, one goal at a time (and hydrate often).
4. Life is about the up (hills), the down (hills) and, sometimes, the smooth sailing: don’t get too comfortable on the latter terrain because this is not where we commonly grow.
5. You will never know how strong you really are if you don’t push yourself the extra mile: choose a life filled with ‘oh wells’ rather than a life of ‘what ifs.’

What have you recently learned while enjoying a favorite pastime?

How a kick-in-the-butt can change your life

 

Crazy bird, she was. Only flew when no one watched.
None could keep her. All failed to train her.
Funny name she had. Time.
~ Anonymous

 

My recent post, ‘Tick tock…,’ talks about time and our elusive grasp on it. I can actually define the catalyst—or kick in the butt—that snapped me out of my Rip Van Winkle state, the one where I slept away more than twice the amount of time as the fictional character. I call it BC and AC. Before I re-enrolled to complete my undergraduate degree, my life felt ‘tiny,’ unimaginative. Timid. After college (and also while attending classes for my Bachelor of Arts in Literature, Writing & Film), my world became vast, inspired. Daring. How differently my path might have unfolded had I attended college before middle age. Yet, I wouldn’t trade my experiences or the connections I built, the new tricks I learned and still do. The important thing is where I go from here: forward.

What’s your life’s catalyst?

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Don’t wait until you die

 

“To anyone who thinks they’re falling behind in life” is written to me. I am the one who thinks I need more motivation, to read more lists and posts about how I’m not doing enough. Because I’m not doing enough, right? I’m still writing blogs about how I need to simplify, find balance, be kind, follow my dreams: to do. To be. To perpetuate an endless cycle of more than. The pièce de résistance? …we all need more than anything… permission to be wherever the f*ck we are when we’re there. Oh, this soothes my soul. Who doesn’t crave permission to love themselves exactly where they are? A yogi instructor recently ended her evening class with Alan Cohen’s words: To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now. I exited the room, tears streaming down my face. I want to live now.

Which one are you?

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Handling the unexpected

When I complete a survey now, I check the 50-55 box (when did that happen?). Finally, I’ve discovered happiness in its myriad levels—joy, contentment, peace. I’ve gotten the hang of this balanced life thing and look forward to simplifying in the New Year so I can experience more of the above. I’ve set the cruise control and am prepared to sparkle my way into this new season. But what happens when you’re traveling on the right path and life behind the wheel doesn’t look like you hoped for or expected? Maybe you’ve returned to your proverbial waiting place to plan for a new transition (e.g., career change or physical relocation). Perhaps your GPS requires recalibration to allow you to regroup while you navigate the scenic route for a spell. It’s possible a recent challenge or setback is meant to strengthen you to help family or friends. Just take a deep breath, sit back and savor the ride. And Happy New Year!

How do you handle the unexpected?

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Road rage and running on empty

In my last post, I talk about slowing down, listening more… and bringing muffins. After that, I merged into the fast lane, full speed ahead. The problem? Road rage. I’ve cut people off (usually those closest to me) and my tank is running on empty. I also question the direction I’m headed and can’t seem to see the forest for the trees. Or, rather, the cacti. Only, I hope once I make it to the top of my mountain, I may glean a better vision for where to refocus my attention and fine tune my course. Because lately my dreams appear fuzzy, unattainable. Maybe even unrealistic. I might just take a break from chasing Someday and allow my passions to take a backseat. This way I can move into the regular flow of traffic and allow the natural rhythm to carry me along without a struggle. Yet what I could really use more than anything? A hug.

When is it time to change the course of your dreams?

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