If you have to ask yourself if it’s wrong: it’s wrong

A while back, a friend was wrestling with a right-or-wrong type of decision and praying for discernment. My response: If you have to ask if it’s wrong, then it’s wrong. That same sentiment popped up recently in a Christian women’s group I recently joined. Yet, even those not grounded in Biblical principles know that our intuition—polished over the years through trials and triumphs—offers a decent gauge as far as “gut feelings.” I believe it serves as a warning bell alerting us to booby traps ready to easily derail if we’re not on guard. Or, perhaps we’ve chosen to ignore the flashing lights, only to plunge headfirst into the unknown, regardless. Sure we could end up unscathed. But we also might find ourselves so off track that it takes months—or years—to regain solid ground while we mend the superficial scratches or tend to deeper wounds. Seek that still small voice today. Stay the course. The race has only begun.

What decision are you wrestling with?

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Staying power: 9 signs of a good friend

Surround yourself with those
who only lift you higher.
~ Oprah Winfrey

Over the past two decades, I’ve come to understand there are friendships for different seasons in our lives (see https://midlifemess.com/friends-for-a-season/). In the cited blog, the writer says that realizing a friendship season is over and letting go is one of the hardest things to do. Plus, a friendship season may not end at the same time for both people. I think it’s important to recognize that as we grow—and our lives change—so will our tribe. Some friendships may even come full circle after time and distance apart. In whatever season you’re planted, however, according to author Stormie O’Martian, a good friend, “tells you the truth in love, gives you sound advice, refines you, helps you grow in wisdom, stays close to you, loves you and stands by you, helps in times of trouble, is not rebellious and is not often angry.” And remember: it goes both ways.

What do your friendships reflect about you?

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Talk to me: no invitation necessary

 

I’ve never liked confrontation. Yet, avoidance is seldom the best solution. Perhaps today you’re embroiled in a gross misunderstanding. Maybe you’ve been wounded or your words or actions have hurt someone else. One friend of mine—rather than confront a misunderstanding—oftentimes requires an invitation, of sorts, to re-establish the lines of communication. However, this only serves to foster discord. Although I’m the first in line to minimize conflict whenever possible, I don’t require an invitation to initiate a dialog. For example, I’m always willing to provide clarification or nip an assumption in the bud. OK, except between 9 p.m. and 4:30 a.m., or while I’m hiking or writing or practicing yoga or it’s “Friday pizza movie night.” When misunderstandings occur (because they will), I’d like to suggest a tactic rooted in gentleness, kindness and love: that we proactively seek to facilitate a pathway toward common ground. We may have to agree to disagree. But at least we’re talking.

Who do you need to reach out to today?

Habit vs. lifestyle: a rule of thumb

As we dip our toes into the New Year and revisit goals or “resolutions” we made, it seems fitting to discuss habit vs. lifestyle. From what I’ve read, the 21/90 rule of thumb says it takes 21 days to build a habit, and 90 days to build a lifestyle. As you chew on that, remember: the more you “put out” what you desire more of, the more you attract the same. That goes for the bad stuff too. Is this the year you practice more #selflove? Show more #kindness? Kickstart a creative venture? Learn an instrument or a foreign language? With the advent of 2020, perhaps a new habit becomes a lifestyle brimming with healthier choices. Or maybe, like me, you simply want to treat each new day as an adventure, and to make space for a lifestyle that attracts abundance. Take the first step and commit to one day. Then the next. And see where it takes you.

Are you building a new habit or a lifestyle?

Hurts so good: pushing through pain for gain

Have you picked out a word for the year, yet (see “…20/20 vision”)—or has your word picked out you? How do you know it’s your word? Here’s a tip: if a particular word or phrase continues to pop up in your day-to-day life, there’s a pretty good chance you’re onto something. For me, the word “growth” resonated prior to yearend. And, only a couple weeks into the New Year, I’m convinced it’s a perfect match. Especially when it seems everything in my life is under construction. Because: ouch. The “pruning” I’m experiencing during this season has proven a bit painful, yet on point. Perhaps you’ve found that a word or phrase—one you’ve chosen as your mantra for the remainder of the year—forces you to address areas of your life that require a good pre-spring cleaning. In my own circumstances, to create the space required for new growth, I must let go and let Him.

In what one area must you push through pain for gain?

Mr. Sandman bring me a dream: 2 things that helped my insomnia

Okay Club 50 ladies, if you and Mr. Sandman are no longer on a first-name basis, you might wonder if it was something you said. Personally, I used to be able to sleep anywhere, at any time. But once I joined the “club,” Mr. Sandman lost my address. Welcome to menopause. As far as remedies, if you’ve done your research, you already know about the plethora of suggestions for a better night’s slumber. I’ve tried magnesium, melatonin and 5-HTP supplements at bedtime. I’ve used ear plugs and eye masks, sipped on herbal tea and nixed electronics pre-lights out. All with little to no change in my sleep quality. And then I tried two things: 1) eliminating all distractions in my sleep environment (i.e., temporarily moving into the guest room) and 2) altering my bedtime/wake times. Both adjustments allowed my body’s circadian rhythm to reset, which helped me reacquaint with Mr. Sandman. Also, regular acupuncture and consistent yoga practice may contribute to better Zzzzs.

What’s your go-to sleep aid?

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Funny story: when God has different plans

I love God’s sense of humor. Me: God, these are my plans for the month. God: Wrong. Granted, we’re only a week into the new year, but illness struck our home with a vengeance. What was that about best laid plans? Because my husband lives with asplenia (see “…from victims to victors”), he requires immediate medical attention upon the onset of fever. So, during the first weekend of 2020, when the Southwest desert temps reached 70 degrees (the nicest it’s been in weeks!), we spent a good part of it surrounded by three sets of four different walls, along with myriad healthcare personnel and other sick patients. But instead of the disappointment I’ve experienced in the past when my plans were turned topsy-turvy, a deep sense of peace settled within my spirit. Once established at home, while my husband rested, I took a brief walk outdoors and practiced yoga down the hall. And allowed my soul to catch up with my body.

When did God’s plans supersede yours?

Walking into the new year like: putting on a new identity

On New Year’s Eve day, I awakened early, my spirit bubbling with anticipation. This is it, ready or not, the new year—the new decade (depending on which “camp” you reside)—begins in T minus 20 hours. And I decided right then—the scent of rich hazelnut coffee permeating my kitchen—I need a new identity to accompany the new year. I’m not talking about the witness protection change of identity but, rather, an identity that I can speak life into. One that I can fix my gaze on and watch unfurl. Not unlike a “word” you might choose (see “20/20 vision…”), it’s who you envision yourself to be. As for me: I’m a Godly woman, a loving and patient wife and mother, joyful worker, kind friend and gentle neighbor. I’m creative, organized and successful. Even when I fall short. Because the truth is: we’re a work in progress, ever evolving. Until we become who we were truly created to be.

What identity do you believe about yourself?

And just like that: it’s a new year

Two days before Christmas, and all through the house (and workplace): I threw down a full-fledged menopausal meltdown. It was as if I’d been issued the challenge to: Go big, or go home. Eventually, I proceeded with both and dubbed myself the Grinch. But once I realized it was hormone related, I approached my muddled emotions with a clearer sense of direction. And that’s when I knew: my 20/20 vision and plans for “growth” aren’t about knocking out a bestseller (although at the top of my list) or greater financial stability (still up there), it’s about growing into the purpose for which I was created, and growing in the areas I mention in “…bidding farewell…”—my convictions, fortitude and peace. It’s about knowing who I am and growing in that knowledge, discovering and honing the tools I need to succeed. It’s about putting this season of all things menopause to work for me vs. against me. 2020, here I come!

How do you plan to grow this year?