Doing life in the fast lane

 
Since taking that leap and crossing over the half-century mark this past December, the trajectory on the other side feels like I’m traveling Autobahn speeds. While the first 50 years took their own sweet time, now the necessity to apply imaginary brakes in order to slow time—to cram everything I can into each moment—grips me with a palpable intensity. ‘There’s just not enough time,’ I said to my girlfriend as we prepared for our 90-minute Bikram yoga class. Thankfully, a daily dose of soul searching has created space for like-minded, intuitive people to join my ‘tribe.’ One such friend recently gifted me a book—Just Hit Send, a journey to freedom—written by a dear yogi practitioner whose personal inscription syncs with my travels, both gestures a reminder I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. So be kind, gentle and love (yourself and others) with a fierce passion and live out your dreams with abandon. Fast or slow.

In which lane do you prefer to travel?

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One way to stay on course

While hiking in the mountains this past weekend (and especially since my graceless fall—see ‘What *not* to do…’), I’m more attuned to the trail in front of me. With each step I take, my eyes scan the terrain a couple feet ahead for tripping hazards and/or wildlife. Focus, focus, focus! How often must you deliberately pull your attention back to a task at hand because your mind wanders to myriad items to be checked off your list? In my post, ‘Road rage…’, I talk about missing the forest for the trees; however, there is a right time and place, even beyond the trails, to keep our eyes and thoughts trained in front of us; e.g., relationships, creative projects, work tasks, fitness goals. It is wise to keep the big picture in mind, of course, yet lift our eyes at periodic intervals to scan our progress. But, in order to (safely) reach our destination, we should ultimately eliminate distractions that take us off course.

What’s your main focus?

Under construction: how to cope with change

A major renovation is underway at the grocery store I frequent. A ‘pardon our dust’ sign hangs over the entrance and, inside, plastic curtains hide activity and workers move stock from one area to another, shelving in disarray. I don’t like it, but I can find a teachable moment if I pay attention. For example, I no longer know my way around like the back of my hand, which forces me to slow down, take notice, ask for and accept help—important attributes to practice in ‘real life’ as well. Also, although change is oftentimes painful, better things may be in store (literally and figuratively). As for my grocery store, the changes make no sense to me. Sometimes that’s how we feel about change in our own lives. Even when everything looks the same on the outside, major transformation might be taking place within. And if we are patient and wait to see what’s to come, we might be pleasantly surprised.

What kind of transformation are you undergoing?

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Newsflash: it’s not all about you

 

When the familiar ache in my heart warns me a self-inflicted pity party might be in progress soon, I remind myself of the truth in Gretta Brooker Palmer’s quote about how making someone else happy serves to sprinkle joy into our own lives. A backwash of blessings, if you will. Mary, the woman I write about in ‘The secret to a happy life,’ whose partner withholds communication and touch on a regular basis, has taught me much about removing self from the equation. To take what I’m missing in my life and turn loss into an opportunity to pick myself up for the umpteenth time, dust off the ashes and allow my faith to create beauty in the lives of those around me. The hardest part is keeping our gaze fixed ahead of us, rather than focusing inward on our lack. Just for today, let’s discard our metaphorical blinders and do something kind for someone else. I guarantee we’ll both feel better.

How can you change your focus?

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Understanding the root of pride

Pride is concerned with who is right.
Humility is concerned with what is right.
~ Ezra T. Benson

In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis writes, “For pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.” In my own quest for happiness, I discovered that self—once removed from the equation—makes room for joy. Both of today’s quotes, I think, revolve around self as the root of pride. Recently, I felt disconnected to a close friend and tried to share my feelings. Rather than attempt to understand my heart, however, this person blew off our relationship. My friend’s actions played out louder than words but, although the outcome saddens me, I believe that humbling myself will destroy any self-imposed stumbling blocks and release a bounty of blessings going forward. Doing the right thing is not always the easy thing, but the possibility of love, contentment and common sense is worth it.

What do you believe is the root of pride?

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Go the distance: identify, conquer your personal ‘peak’

 

The tip I offer in ‘What *not* to do while hiking’ can be applied to any area of our lives. Getting cocky, comparing myself with others, elevating my importance—these are character flaws with which I struggle from time to time. A week after that infamous trek, I climbed back onto the mountain—my proverbial horse—and conquered a 5.1-mile hike, again discovering my muse and solving a plot problem in the novel I’m writing. Although I tripped a couple of times while on the trail, I remained upright, albeit a bit more cautious. I also reflected on how tiny I am—a speck in the middle of a vast desert. And that, in light of my recent fall, the mountain symbolizes a personal ‘peak’ of mine. Returning to the scene of the accident—or failing marriage or dead-end career or spiritual fallout or whatever we’ve identified as a challenge to change—affirmed to myself I’ve got what it takes to go the distance.

What’s your personal peak?

The secret of change, according to Socrates

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy
not on fighting the old, but on building
the new. ~ Socrates.

In my post, ‘Things turn out best for people like this,’ I talk about experiencing the soul-wrenching disappointment when our best laid plans end up going to hell in a hand basket instead. But the more I reflected on how the circumstances of my wake-up call played through, the more convinced I became that, when it appears the bottom fell out, what might be taking shape is the formation of a safety net. Maybe that one thing I had been prepping for, anticipating with every fiber of my being, would not have been in my best interests. Perhaps it would’ve placed me further from my hopes and dreams—the goals that comprise my daily attention. Instead of focusing my energy on fighting the old—the past—however, my eyes are now fixed on the present and building the new.

How do you respond to change?

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Things turn out best for people like this

Things turn out best for the people
who make the best out of the way
things turn out. ~ Art Linkletter

Last week a fallout in my plans proved to be a wake-up call the size of—well, it was ginormous. Like a massive strobe light bulb that blinded me with its garish, spinning kaleidoscope of hues. For more than two months my ‘to do’ list revolved around that one thing—prepping for, anticipation of, planning around—and then, without preamble, that one thing dissolved into a million little pieces. A dust speck among ideas brushed under the rug. Not even a tiny blip on my radar. For a split second, I wanted to stomp my feet. Cry my eyes out. Cuss the unfairness of it all. But that’s the thing about disappointment. You can either be a victim of your circumstances, or you can be a victor over your situation. Seems like a no-brainer to me.

Which type of person are you—a victim or a victor?

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When you fail, because you will

The blues of mental and physical wear and tear
are not as devastating as the yellows
of the quitter. ~ James J. Walker

The next morning, I reeled from the previous evening’s confrontation with a homeowner in my community. Although he did not attack me, personally, he questioned the integrity of the association BOD on which I serve. He pushed my buttons; I sunk to his level with my response. Twelve hours later, I struggled to lift my ego off the floor. I allowed one person’s attitude to steal my peace and rob my sparkle. When I see this homeowner next, I plan to apologize. But, until then, I need to accept 1) I’m human and 2) this isn’t the last time I’ll fail. And maybe it really isn’t failure but, rather, an opportunity to address my own flawed heart. A heart that is resilient—that breaks a million times—its scar tissue a reminder that I am not a quitter.

Do you believe in failure, or opportunities?

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Rx for a woe-is-me mentality

 

I’m not certain when I first noticed, but my heart seems to have settled into a state of continuous gratitude. But then a close friend texts me: a litany of woes in big bold letters followed by Life sucks. Another friend messages me: more discouraging news ending with I’m sick of all the crap. Can I be honest? It’s hard to remain sparkly in the midst of others’ trials without feeling guilty. And it’s not that I don’t experience trials. Because I do. On a regular basis, new or recurring health issues pop up—many of which require ongoing attention. Relationship issues—story of my life. Unrequited dreams—Someday is a promise I must stop making myself. But then I ran across Nisban Panwar’s quote: If you always see the negative side of things, eventually that’s all there is. Always look for the positive no matter how small. This means giving thanks for the ‘sweet and simple pleasures.’ Guilt free.

Which side of thinking do you gravitate toward?

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