Settling for less in life and love

[Image credit: Usamedeniz]

I was talking to a friend the other day and mentioned how I keep trying to fill the void in my life. “Writing doesn’t do it for you?” she said. Admittedly, writing is only a temporary fix. And then I ran across an article about the telltale signs you’re settling for less in life and love. Ask yourself these five questions to determine if you are settling: 1) Are you constantly drained? Engaging in activity that contradicts your purpose is exhausting. 2) Do you make dangerous compromises? Settling on preferences is one thing; settling on values violates your core. 3) Do you feel stuck or restless? Being grateful for what you have is wonderful, but doesn’t negate an unmet purpose. 4) Are you secretly envious? Settlers wish they were bold enough to live out their dreams. 5) Do you rationalize playing small? You make excuses for why things don’t turn out. Turns out I need to make some changes of my own.

Are you settling for less than?

Flirting with freedom

 

The term freedom stirs up multiple meanings. In the case of my cat, although he lives a charmed life, I imagine he still yearns for life “on the wild side.” Or at least a fleeting taste of life outside the confines of our yard. A student on break finds a brief reprieve from tests and papers due. When on vacation, deadlines and everyday responsibilities temporarily cease. How rare to be afforded a chance to not just flirt with freedom, but to test drive it. Freedom from fear, from debt, from a relationship or job no longer serving its purpose, from illness or whatever it is that limits our potential—before making a life-changing decision. If we were only guaranteed success, wholeness, satisfaction, a cure. But we aren’t, so we remain in our own yard and never see what’s on the other side of the gate. One day we may gather the courage to open it and walk through to the other side.

What do you desire freedom from?

Sustaining the sparkle

 

As I wrote about in Sparkling affirmations, if we’re alive, we’re going to get knocked down. Maybe not daily, but it will happen. However, we cannot allow another person or circumstance the power to keep us there. During a recent yoga practice, the teacher shared her personal testimony of an unpleasant situation she’d taken to heart, but then acknowledged she doesn’t always act the way she should or speak with kindness. So before she let the unpleasantries ruin her day, she released the damaging energy. Imagine if she had held onto it, how that may have affected her evening or the next class she taught. Just as we are in control of our own happiness, we choose how we react to positive or negative situations. I appreciated the reminder because, lately, I’ve been fixating on and allowing the littlest of items to get under my skin, ultimately dulling my sparkle. Thus taking away from the things—and people—which matter most.

What’s your secret to sustaining the sparkle?

Trapped in time

[Image credit: digitalart]

Ever feel like you’re trapped in your circumstances? Pain, depression, job from Hell, neighbors who aren’t so neighborly, family situation, <fill in the blank> … we’ve all experienced our share of disappointment. Unfortunately, there’s no quick fix—or “Drano”—to untrap ourselves. Some rely on prayer as the answer. For others, it’s meditation, writing, exercise, participating in a one-(wo)man cleaning frenzy or lending a helping hand to someone in need. I’ve done all of these at one time or another and, for me, each has its own place to temporarily remove me from whatever situation I’m dealing with. But another suggestion is to make one small change in your routine. If you’re in pain, try something new to relax your mind or a particular pressure point. If you’re in a dead-end job, begin with updating your resume. Relationship issues? Start talking. By taking a proactive step, we begin to move in the right direction and regain a sense of control.

How do you resolve those feelings of entrapment?

On resolve and regret

[Image credit: digitalart]

I’d rather regret the things I’ve done
Than the things I haven’t done. ~ Lucille Ball

Remember the flutter of anticipation you’d feel first thing in the morning upon waking, like you’re on the cusp of something big? And then you’d recall: today is my birthday or I’m leaving for vacation or I start a new job. None of these moments are in my peripheral vision at present, but I feel as if I’m teetering on the edge of something big; several little changes and life experiences appear to be leading toward a shift in direction. I wish GPS would offer me a bit of guidance right about now, but at some point we’ve either prepared ourselves for this journey or we wing it. Or, we do nothing at all and wait for life to pass us by. That’s a choice each of us has to make. And it could get messy. But I know what I’d regret the most.

Is your path paved with resolve or regrets?

So much to do, so little time to think

A recurring theme in my blog posts revolves around Someday, as well as a void I seek to fill by immersing myself in writing or prayer, yoga or volunteer opportunities, cooking or cleaning, crafting or shopping or time with friends. I’ve also been spreading my creative wings and attending art classes and writing workshops and, when I’m not engaged, I’m either watching TV or listening to music, playing online games or losing myself in a fictional world of print. Anything, and everything, to keep my mind from slowing down enough to explore the void and discern what it is I’m truly missing. The persistent busy-ness only creates a temporary fix. I know this, because it’s in the quiet moments just as I fall asleep at night and each morning before I’m fully awake when I ache for Someday and the life I hold an image of. If I stop, and listen, it only reminds me how long I still have to wait.

What is your image of Someday?

A soul-weary, dried-up muse

 

[Image credit: digitalart]

My muse is dried up and I feel soul weary. I want to write, I need to write … I have to write. But I don’t know what to write. So what is the remedy? Do I force myself to stare at a blank computer screen/piece of paper until inspiration strikes? Do I chalk off my dreams as silly whims? Do I give myself a break and identify that what I’m going through is a season and all seasons eventually change? Each of us processes setbacks differently. Reading, for me, is a perfect escape from reality. I think I’m going to read until I can’t read anymore—or until my muse is unstopped and I can fill up that one void only writing can satisfy. And just like anything else I’m going through—whether an emotional, mental or physical challenge—I need to remember to be gentle with myself. It could be that my soul is simply preparing for a much-needed breakthrough.

How do you recover from setbacks?

Enduring the heat of refinement

[Image credit: digitalart]

Sometimes we hurt the ones we love, especially ourselves. A desire may yield a “no” or “not now,” but only because timing isn’t right. Growing pains can be just that: painful. And not everyone will understand. But rest assured that there’s a purpose in the discomfort. All change includes some kind of unease. We are stretched and pulled and remolded—refined—into the individuals we were created to be. During Bikram Yoga practice, students are told that glass must be heated up in order to be blown into its ultimate shape. The same holds true for our persons—physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Whether in the hot room, or in real life, we must endure the “heat” in order to allow ourselves to be perfected. I’m struggling with that part. I’d much rather skip over the ache and find myself in the land of plenty: my Someday. Unfortunately, it seldom works that way. I just have to believe it will get easier.

How do you handle the heat?

Lifestyle factors, depression and making a change

 

[Image credit: Jeanne Claire]

When we are no longer able to change a situation,
we are challenged to change ourselves.
~ Viktor Frankl

Recently I read about lifestyle factors that may contribute to making us feel depressed. They include grief, sleep-deprivation, lack of exercise, poor diet, stress, all work and no play, imbalanced hormones and missing meaning. The latter factor hit home for me because finding meaning fuels my happiness. According to Frankl, we can find meaning through work, relationships, helping others, learning, creative activities, spirituality and more. If we’re in a dead-end job or relationship, it’s easy to feel “lost” because our life doesn’t align with our values and goals (see Aligning our Beliefs, Actions).  If we’re grieving, counseling may be one answer. In order to be more fulfilled and to minimize feelings of depression, I’ve already started making changes. Baby steps. And hopefully with a little more sleep, and a lot more play, things will look better in the morning.

How do you know it’s time to make a change?